


Love Me Again

by maemdora



Category: 2PM
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chanho - Freeform, M/M, Soulmates, chansung doesn't want a one-night stand, junho is hot, some cheese along the way, they're so good for each other i'm gonna cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:50:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2841914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maemdora/pseuds/maemdora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...and chansung thinks trouble? the way this junho walk is trouble, the way he moves is trouble, the world collapsing and rebuilding all around chansung by the flick of his hair, time stopping and turning at the slight pull of his lips as he smirks. junho is trouble alright, chansung is sure of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Me Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> so @dlwnsghek tweeted a ts a few months ago and the fic is basically based on the mv of the song ( or is it?) . title of the fic is also from the song, john newman's love me again.
> 
> for gabi, was trying to finish this earlier but i couldn't make it TT , not much of a birthday fic now, let's just call it a christmas fic \o/ ( i kept my word on chansung reciting poetries to junho thingy ok, well kinda :p )  
> big thankyou for jamie and mow, couldn't have done this without you two <333  
> poem is by elisabeth barrett browning ( sonnets from the portuguese, love sonnet number 43) 
> 
>  

 

 

 

 

when taecyeon said let’s loosen up and get a breather, chansung didn’t think it’d land him in a club at the heart of the city, but here he is, gulping his sixth shot of whiskey and feeling the mix of alcohol and music thrumming under his skin.

wooyoung is on the dance floor, as expected. getting lost under the spinning strobelights and music that blares and shakes the walls of the club, but not before screaming a too loud “let’s go crazy!" obnoxiously to chansung's left ear, possibly bursting his eardrum this time.  heck, it's still ringing even now, but wooyoung, --that bastard, just laughs, crushing his sad cigarette stub with his shoe before joining the hyped crowd on the dance floor and leaves chansung in his spot near the bar.  
  
taecyeon is..., somewhere. last time chansung caught the sight of him, he was sweet talking a girl with legs that went on forever, red fuck me heels and a little black sequined dress that hugged her body like a second skin. she’s flicking her hair back as she giggles and chansung knows a hook up when he sees one, so at least his friends are having fun.

him? not so much.   
  
he's had some inviting staresfrom across the bar, which he ignores, and there's a few-- three girls and one guy --but hey, who's counting, that actually approaches and offers him a drink or two, a good fuck if he's interested. chansung declines them all, call him conservative but one night stands just isn’t his thing.

so it's friday night and chansung is staring into the glass in his hand, already bored out of his wits. he’s thinking of going back early and maybe pick up on his reading, a nice warm tea and some soothing music to wind down, but then the bartender offers to refill his drink. He nods despite himself, keeping his eyes fixated on the clear liquor poured into his glass when the music changes into something different.

 

there's a strange stir in the air, a subtle but definite shift while the music keeps on playing. chansung is caught up in an odd feeling of has-been-here-done-this-before even though this is obviously the first time he visited the club.  he glances up from his glass to the bartender, from the bartender to the dance floor, spotting wooyoung, face flushed red, dancing his heart out to the beat. chansung turns eventually, elbows against the bar, eyes moving from wooyoung to the crowd generally, and the same feeling still latches strangely on him.

and that’s when chansung sees him.  
  
strutting in like they own the place, they look posh and expensive, nice suits, flashy watch,  shoes that probably cost a good month of chansung's salary. all three men looking dapper as hell, but the one walking in the middle, the one with the striking blond hair,  he's the one who makes chansung's heart forget to beat for a second.  
  
if this is some kind of de ja vu he's feeling then chansung would die to repeat this moment over and over in his life. he’s never been much of a love at the first sight kind of guy but then again no one has ever made his breath catch on the first occasion he laid his eyes on them. never, not until now.  
  
blond guy catches chansung's stare as he walks towards the vip section, all cocky sway of hips and easy movements and chansung could swear on taecyeon's little black book that blond guy just smirked at him. _smug,_ really smug.

but also really intriguing.

maybe chansung has seen him before, maybe it was in dreams, because the guy sure does look surreal, this undeniable aura around him that dulls everything and everyone else in sight, forcing chansung to focus on him only.

here’s a thought chansung likes to entertain, that maybe they _have_ met before.  in another lifetime, another place, paris maybe?  somehow he can see them having a rendezvous,  under the eiffel tower, blond guy grinning back at him over something he said, the sun giving a healthy flush to his cheeks. or it could be a dinner date near the arc de triomphe, or maybe venice, cuddling together in a gondola while they float gently along the canals on a lazy afternoon, secret kisses and private touches after dark. or maybe they’re strangers, getting lost in london together, and finding exciting parts of the city becomes the second best thing, finding each other being the first.   and in all those places, all those times, no matter how they meet, how their story starts, they will always end together, destiny writing their fates in the stars.

maybe they have lived and died countless times for this moment, this perfect moment where they would find each other again.

or maybe it's just the whiskey talking.   
  
but still, for all the twenty five years he has lived, chansung has seen pretty boys, handsome boys, the bulky, the lean, flirtatious and shy, and all of them pale in comparison. there’s something about the blond guy that chansung can’t quite explain, like an itch he’s not sure where to scratch, only that it’s there,  inching at the corner of his mind , teetering at the border of recognition, and yet it stands just beyond his grasp. chansung settles for disturbingly beautiful in the end, that in itself is enough to set the alarms in chansung’s head. if he was wiser, he’d put all his defenses up, but like a moth to fire, chansung is drawn in, intrigued by the captivating flame, shining bright, ready to burn.  
  
"who is that?" he asks the bartender fleetingly, eyes never leaving  blond guy who is now sitting on the vip couch, flicking his fringe aside with his fingers and catching chansung's stare once again. he turns his head to talk to the waiter catering to them, and chansung wants to think that the smile now blooming on his perfect face is mostly his doing.  
  
"that’s junho lee, always here when he’s in town, good tipper, got killer moves on the dance floor." the bartender says the words offhandedly. ”s'guards are rather strict though.”

“oh?” chansung empties his glass in a single gulp, grimacing at the burn rolling down his throat, “who the fuck goes to clubs with their guards?” _i_ _mportant people,_ the rational part of his head answers him, people that are seemingly made from louboutin, champagne, and gold, _people you shouldn’t mess with_ , it adds.

“ his old man owns half of Ilsan, or so I’ve heard.” the bartender fills him in, “guess they’re here to keep the boss’ son happy, and out of trouble.”

the said junho lee is now making his way to the dance floor, undoing the first few buttons of his shirt as he makes it down the flight of stairs, movements graceful and smooth, and chansung thinks _trouble_? the way this junho walk _is_ trouble, the way he _moves_ is trouble, the world collapsing and rebuilding all around chansung by the flick of his hair, time stopping and turning at the slight pull of his lips as he smirks.  _j_ _unho_ is trouble alright, chansung is sure of that.

“hey.” a light tap on his shoulder brings chansung back; he turns and finds a girl smiling to him. “for you,” she pushes a glass towards him. not again, chansung thinks, but before he can refuse the girl gestures towards the stair, where a certain blond returns chansung’s gaze. he’s just standing there with his hands in his pocket, waiting? thinking? chansung can’t tell, but there’s a small smile playing on his lips. “he thought you could use a drink.” the girl tells him and chansung realizes that she was the waiter serving junho earlier.

“does he buy a lot of guys their drink?” chansung asks her.                       

“nope, usually the other way around, he doesn’t take them though.” she grins secretively, “he likes you.” she says, stopping chansung’s hand when he’s about to take the glass.

“how do you know?” chansung  eyes her, watching as she flicks a lighter to his drink and a light blue flame is now licking up from his glass.

“call it intuition.” she shrugs, “and two years of serving his table.” she winks at chansung before getting her tray and leaves for another table.

it takes a while to wait for the flame to put out, the rum is thicker by then and the tip of the glass slightly burns chansung’s lips as he downs the shot. It’s hot, from the flame and because the alcohol knocks a heavy punch, but then it fizzles down to comfortable warmth throughout his body. when chansung sees blond guy, -- _junho_ , making his way towards him, he’s a lot more relaxed, probably because he’s getting a bit tipsy by now, and well, the added liquid courage is very much welcomed.

 

chansung nods when junho takes the spot beside him, leaning against the bar and watching the dance floor before them. the way people are swaying, moving and grinding against each other, some playful, some just enjoying the music and some taking the term dirty dancing to new heights.

but chansung is not interested in people-watching, he’s more interested in the way the colorful lights fall on junho’s face, and this close chansung can see him clearer; his sharp jaw line, the strong bridge of his nose, the way his eyelashes drape over his small eyes, his full lips, wet and bitten pink. chansung clears his throat and forces himself to look back to the dance floor because fuck his life, junho is blindingly beautiful up close and chansung wants to run his fingers through the soft strands of his blonde hair, wants to drag his nose across that porcelain perfect cheek while reciting poetries of love against the soft skin. a _how do I love thee?_ _l_ _et me count the ways_ already emerging in his head, and nope, that’s not creepy at all.

“thanks for the drink.” chansung manages to say instead. bowing his head slightly and blinking _I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach_ back into his eyelids when junho answers.

“you looked ...thirsty.” he drawls, mischievous, with voice so much lower than chansung had expected. it’s nice, his voice.

“you could have just got me water then, or beer, or anything that doesn’t need lighting up.” chansung mutters, swiping his thumb along his lower lip where the rim of the glass burned him before.  junho is watching him now, hiseyes following chansung’s thumb closely as chansung drags it slowly across. chansung is fully aware of it.

“i could,” junho shrugs, turning his head away and smiling to no one in particular. “but then where’s the fun in that?”

they don’t really talk much, but even the silence is comfortable, so chansung doesn’t push it. there is that _something_ , that odd feeling of de ja vu lingering still, not as strong as before but it's there, floating around him, rippling faintly when chansung knocks a glass down accidentally and junho laughs (and even his laugh sounds somewhat familiar to chansung).

“i swear this is not a pick up line, but I feel like i’ve known you from somewhere? Like we’ve met before?” chansung inquires. they’re prominently closer now, their shoulders pressing against each other and junho is leaning in to hear what chansung is telling him.

“is that why you keep on looking at me?” junho asks back and chansung shivers slightly by the way junho’s mouth brushes over the shell of his ear.

“i felt it since you walked in the room. although I guess I should be a little subtle on the looking at you part." he answers honestly.

junho’s face breaks into a grin, and it’s without any attempt of being sly or flirty, this time it’s just an open genuine grin.  and then the grin dampens, chansung follows where junho is looking and sees the two men he came in with, both walking towards them.

“come on, dance with me.” junho says suddenly.

chansung feels his hands being tugged and junho is surely leading him into the dance floor, wading between the ocean of people, placing distance and human barriers between him and his guards, which is strange. but chansung doesn’t want to bother his mind with anything other than junho pressing close and junho leaning in and junho smiling up to him. the bartender isright, junho really does have killer moves, and the way he’s working his hips is making chansung’s mouth go dry, especially when he places an arm around chansung’s neck and is pulling himself even closer, moving against chansung painfully confident, painfully slow, therustles of their clothes brushing against each other sounding louder in chansung’s ear more than the music currently playing.

"wanna know a secret?" junho purrs, dangerously close now, chansung can feel junho’s breath falling hot against his cheek.

"what secret?" chansung swallows.

"i couldn’t take my eyes off you from the moment i saw you,”  junho whispers. “and you’re right, there is something about you, _about us_.”

junho is breathy and junho is panting slightly and chansung _knows_ it’s not from dancing because he hasn’t evenbroken a sweat. chansung dares to place his palms on junho’s hips, gripping a little tighter and feeling the jolt of electricity running through his veins when he pulls junho in and loses the gap between them. junho lets his eyes fall close and he’s--, he’s dragging his nose along chansung’s jaw, tilting his head and parting his mouth invitingly, and chansung is overwhelmed because junho is warm under his fingertips, a solid weight that’s pressing against him, so close too close not close enough. so chansung leans down, throwing all hesitations out the window, seconds stretching as his eyes closeshut,  his heartbeat pounding in his ears when he finally presses his lips against junho’s.

only that there are no lips to press against, and suddenly, there’s no junho in his arms either. chansung opens his eyes and sees not one, but two, properly annoyed guards. the smaller one is having an argument with junho, who—much to chansung’s relieve, is looking none too happy about the situation himself. the taller one--, well chansung is still slightly taller than him,  but the way he’s staring down at chansung with his bushy eyebrows makes chansung feel the guy is seven feet tall,--the taller one pokes his shoulder harshly.

"leave, dance with someone else,” he says with an accent. definitely not korean.

"and if I don’t want to?"

bushy eyebrows takes a step forward and chansung is keeping his ground. he narrows his eyes, knuckles fisted beside him. right now chansung is ready for anything really, he’s more of a lover than a fighter but the alcohol in his blood provides enough recklessness for the night. he wasn’t ready for taecyeon though, suddenly appearing out of nowhere, throwing an arm over chansung's shoulder and staring bushy eyebrows right in his eyes.

"everything alright here?" taecyeon says with a smile, but no, he is anything but smiling.

"nichkhun." the shorter guard calls with a satoori, and bushy eyebrows gives one last threatening look to chansung before turning around. junho is nowhere in sight.

"yaaaah, we left you for a second and here you are trying to make another bar brawl." wooyoung magically appears beside chansung and smacks the back of chansung's head.

"what do you mean another bar brawl? And i wasn’t--, even if i do, i can take care of myself." chansung protests.

"and let you have all the fun? come on, you know us better than that." taecyeon ruffles his hair with a grin.

“yeah man, we’ll stick to your side for better or worse, bros for layfeee~ “ wooyoung tries to fistbump him.

but the next minute chansung finds himself alone again, wooyoung needing to go to the loo and taecyeon spotted yet another pretty head to charm.

it's okay though, because chansung catches sight of junho,  and he’s making eye contact from across the room, carefully maneuvering to avoid his own guards as he slips in throughone of the back doors. chansung follows him.

 

~

 

junho bites.

hard.

he’s also very good at it because chansung can’t seem to get enough, so he crowds in for more, pushing against junho’s mouth just as eagerly, nipping his lips just as hard, licking inside his mouth with not so quiet moans. the taste of junho’s lips is new, the feel of their kiss is wildfire under chansung’s skin, it burns so good so fast, and he wants more.

god he wants more. 

“fuck, chan, i’ve been wanting to do this since forever.” junho groans between kisses, falling back towards the pool table behind him, his fingers gentle and firm on chansung’s nape, tugging chansung along for the ride and it’s riddiculous how their bodies slot together so perfectly. chansung has his palms splayed open on junho’s sides and somehow his big clumsy fingers fit junho’s curves like they’re made just to hold him. junho has his thighs wrapped around chansung’s hips, knees and calves pressing tight, ankles hooking and pulling chansung closer, so much closer until chansung can feel just how much junho wants him too.

“junho." chansung gasps, trying to take deep breaths to get more oxygen in his blood, and hopefully, some blood back in his head because right now it’s all rushing down south quickly.

junho is having none of that, pulling chansung back into the kiss, chasing the warmth of chansung’s mouth, his clever tongue sliding in, proding gently over chansung's and earning a keen moan from him.  he pushes them off the pool table, arms rounding chansung’s neck to keep him close as they stumble across the poorly lit room onto a lone couch, junho pins chansung down and traps him there.

“fuck, you’re so perfect.” junho murmurs, his eyes shut tight, his fingers already finding chansung’shands, fitting in the space between and twining so tight like he’s afraid to let go. and then his hips starts moving, pressing down and rocking slowly against chansung’s and it feels amazing, the friction built by their cocks sliding together, but there are four layers of fabric between them and it’s four layers too many.

soon enough, chansung  feels impatient fingers tugging his belt, junho pulling away to plant kisses on chansung’s jawline and chansung takes this chance to breathe, opening his eyes and blinking himself back to sanity, summoning whatever self control is left inside him.

there are red rectangular patterns on the ceiling that chansung learns are out to sabotage his plans because each shape is lining a perfectly clearperfectly cut mirror. he can see the way junho's face gets buried in the crook of his neck, a minute movement that hints at his fervent effort to melt chansung, raveling him undone embarrassingly fast by lips and teeth and tongue working against his skin. junho’s hips continue to grind down, and chansung bucks up shamelessly, his toes curling, but--

" junho..." he gasps, reaching and grabbing hold of junho's arm, because the world is spinning spinning spinning and he’s spiralling down, or up, depends on how you look at it, and although it's a nice kind of feeling, --very nice as a matter of fact, chansung feels junho deserves more than this. more than a frantic snog in a dark room of a random club. junho deserves light, and clean sheets instead of fake leather of a couch which has probably been used for so many one  night stands before them.

junho deserves laughter, and cuddling after whatever they will approve of doing. chansung wants to touch junho slowly, gently, without haste, he wants to savor the night and he wants to give breakfast in bed in the morning with a peck on the cheek and chansung will tell junho just how wonderful he looks, all bare face and tousled hair and sleep in his eyes.  chansung  has never seenthat, but the picture is crystal clear in his mind and chansung wants it so bad.  he wants to take his time, fuck they haven’t even  properly introduced themselves to each other yet. he got junho’s name from the bartender and junho--, how did junho know his name? 

point of the matter is, chansung doesn’t want junho to be just someone he fucks in a club. he knows he’s going waaay ahead of himself here, for all he knows junho might only be looking for a fun hump before returning to his drink or whatever. and it leaves chansung feeling a bit proud honestly, that junho chose him when he could have anyone he wants in the club, obviously no one in their right mind is gonna say no to his charm.  but chansung  knows he’s greedy, greedy for wanting more than just the physical side of this. he’s seen junho laugh, and he wants to see more of it, wants to know what else makes junho’s chest rumble and his laughter bubble. chansung wants to bring junho home, and keep him, forever if possible, and the thought of it is both scary and irresistible for him. chansung  tries one more time. "junho..." he calls.

"hmm..." is the only response given. junho’s been making progress while chansung was lost in his own thoughts.  his deft left hand skitters lightly on chansung’s lower belly, now bare, buttons and fly properly taken care of , shirt pushed up just enough for junho to find skin. chansung shudders,  junho’s knuckles is brushing against his trail of fine hair leading down, junho’s fingers tucking under the waistband of his underwear and the brush of fabric over the tip of his already throbbing cock is enough to jolt chansung’s senses. he shakes his head through the  building lust and tries to focus.

"let’s uhm...let’s talk, ...yeah?" he manages to pant out, curling junho’s wrist with shaky fingers.

and that makes junho pause,  blinking back, lips swollen and slick and chansung imagines his own probably look  just as sinful. but there’s confusion in junho’s face, and ironically, it makes junho look like a child, innocence in his eyes as he is probably trying to read what the fuck chansung means by that. junho pulls back like he touched scalding hot water.

“oh, you don’t want--?,” junho asks, voice broken with the same want that‘s been burning chansung’s entire being, but there’s also remorse there, and chansung wants to kiss him for that.

chansung clutches junho’s  shirt to prevent him from pulling back further, “i do... i really do.”

“but...” junho prods, his hair damp and debauched and chansung revels in the delight that he’s the one responsible for that, gripping and tugging junho’s hair in their earlier play.

“ but...” chansung heaves, fuck how to do this, will junho feel put off? that he wants this to be more than a one night stand? The attraction is real, it’s very real, but what if he’s reading into this all wrong? what if junho doesn’t seek the things chansung wants?

“ jesus christ hwang, i can’t hear what you’re thinking, tell me!” junho groans, but his eyes remain soft on chansung.

“go home with me.” chansung blurts.

“go home with you?” junho echoes him. 

"yes, spend the night with me.” he answers.

“only the night ?” junho raises an eyebrow up with an amused look that tangles the knots in chansung’s chest tighter. god he's beautiful, chansung reaches up to cup his cheek.

“what are you suggesting?”  he asks.

“what are you offering?” junho asks back, the corner of his mouth quirking into a smirk. 

 _e_ _verything._ chansung wants to answer, but he doesn’t,  fearing  that he might be coming on too strong and he doesn’t want to overwhelm junho.

“i can make pancakes.” chansung says instead, thumb stroking junho’s cheek gently. “i’m pretty good at it.”

“pancakes?”

“and bacon.” 

“you gonna cook me breakfast?”

chansung nods, liking the warmth in junho’s voice. “and coffee.”

“switch that into tea and it’s a deal.” junho sounds pleased, and through the dim light chansung can see that he’s smiling.

“tea it is.” chansung grins, and now junho is grinning too, eyes crinkling to an endearing half moon shape. It’s so easy to imagine coming home to those smiling eyes, chansung squeezes their intertwined hands, he knows it’s going to be a challenge but there’s no way he’s letting go of junho now. _i_ _love thee to the level of everyday’s most quiet needs, by sun and candle-light,_ his mind recites as he watches junho’s smile blooming.

 

if chansung thought their little talk would dissipate the initial fire burning between them, he was wrong. if anything, it makes things escalate quicker,  the second junho puts his mouth back against chansung’s, it’s fireworks everywhere. 

junho pins him back against the sofa and chansung pushes up to meet him half way, _i love thee freely, as men strive for right;_ is breathed into their kiss, chansung cupping junho’s face with both hands,  kissing him deeply while junho’s fingers get busy unbuttoning chansung’s shirt. neither has their eyes open.

 _I love thee purely, as they turn from praise,_ echoes in his head as he slides his palm under junho’s top, junho’s skin flushed and hot, his muscles rippling under chansung’s touch.

junho tugs his boxers down, just enough for chansung to feel his erection springing free and slapping back against his belly. “junho...” chansung gasps when he feels warm fingers wrapping loosely around the head. 

junho kisses the corner of his lips. “yes? ”

“ i—“ chansung chokes, dropping his head back and inevitably looking up to the ceiling, junho’s hand  giving long lazy strokes and chansung can see each movement clearly in those damn mirrors above them.  “i...” chansung’s breath shudders, his nails raking junho’s chest.

junho nudges his cold nose on chansung’s cheek and chansung swears he can hear a tinge of laughter in junho’s voice. “always so eloquent... ” junho teases, all the while pressing his thumb gently against the tip of chansung’s cock, smearing  precome lazily around the head , fingers careful around chansung’s shaft.

chansung arches his back, lifting his hips to thrust more into junho’s fist, slow at first but then steady and gradually faster, until urgency kicks in and he’s clinging desperately  to junho’s shoulder, fucking  himself raw into junho’s hand.  junho finds his mouth and kisses him down, hard, swallowing his gasps and moans that are just _junhojunhojunho_ repeatedly.

“i love it when you call my name,” junho pants against chansung’s lips, sounding as wrecked and as breathless as chansung is right now. “when we get to your place later, fuck me till i forget mine?”

and that’s the last push that gets chansung off the edge, the image of them stumbling into his bed together, junho pulling him down and chansung giving in, both lost in lust and laughterand chansung doesn’t dare to call it love yet, but damn, it is _something_ , lacing and building, enclosing heavy around them.  the image that follows though, of junho sitting crosslegged on a couch, his messy hair a shade of brown instead of blond, a large mug of tea between his hands, wearing an oversized hoodie that chansung recognises as his although he doesnt own the one in that color, no;  is so clear and strong that it almost feels like a memory somehow.  and junho’s smile, warm and bright and so ridiculously in love with him, is the last thing burning into chansung’s mind before he comes all over junho’s hand.

 

~

 

“tell you the truth, i’ve never enjoyed breakfast in bed.”  junho straightens his shirt, tucking it under  the now slightly rumpled slacks he’s wearing. 

“yet,” chansung counters. “you haven’tenjoyed breakfast in bed, _yet._ i  told you i can cook. I’m not just a pretty face, you know. “  he throws a teasing grin when junho’s eyes widen in delighted surprise.

“i know there’s a reason why i like you.” junho steps forward, full-on grinning now as he helps chansung with his collar.

"you mean apart from my obvious handsome face?" chansung smirks, the proximity making his hands itch to touch junho again.

junho's fingers stop, but he’s still smiling. "so humble. do I even need to remind you that pride comes before fall?"

chansung grins widely, bowing his head down a bit  to catch junho’s eyes. "and here I thought spring comes before fall."

 junho raises an eyebrow at that, "well i take it back, then." he suddenly looks serious.

"take what back?" chansung blinks.

"i don’t like you. not anymore," junho says, wrinkling his nose.

chansung smiles down at him, "you’re holding me awfully close for someone who doesn’t like me," chansung says softly.

“i am not holding you.” Junho lifts his palms quickly,  but chansung moves faster, pulling junho in until they’re pressed chest to thigh against each other, chansung’s palm on the small of junho’s back.

“oops, my bad.” he grins.

“tch, i bet you use this move with everyone youlay your eyes on.”  junho clicks his tongue, “i bet you do a lot of _breakfast in bed,_ don’t you? a pretty face like you...”  junho narrows his eyes and gives him a dirty look, but chansung finds it difficult to take junho seriously when he can see the laughter hidden in the corner of junho’s lips, quivering because they’re threatening to break into a smile at any moment.

“no, i dont do one night stands.” chansung says truthfully. “at least not anymore.”

chansung can feel junho leaning  more onto him and he’s a gentle weight against chansung. “and why is that?” junho  asks,  his hand finding  chansung’s nape, his fingers playing with the tips of chansung’s hair absentmindedly like it’s a habit he can’t resist.

“yeah it’s all fun and thrilling in the night, but when the morning comes, comes sobriety too and all of a sudden it’s where is this where am i what the hell happened whoa buddy you have a really big toe there—“

“well, do you? have big toes?” junho cuts in, looking amused.

“ yes i do, i have chubby fingers and toes, it’s from my mother’s side. –don’t laugh.”

“ i’m nottt.” junho widens his eyes, but he’s clearly grinning, the smile reaching his eyes with ease. how dare he. chansung wants to kiss that grin off his face, maybe tug his hair back a bit, just enough to slide his tongue in and lick the bubbling laughter rising from his throat, chansung wonders what junho’s laughter tastes like. but yeah, focus, he is trying to make a point.

“–and then you realise you’re waking up to a ceiling you don’t know, next to a person you can’t for the life of you remember his or her name,”

“his or _her_ name? ”

 “i’m open minded.”

“okay.”

“the worst is that awkward, should i stay for breakfast or slip out before any conversation is needed, would he like that, would he like it too much? am i ready for that? and where are my damn shoes...”

“ah, the morning shoe conundrum,” junho nods.

“...not to mention the walk of shame afterwards. “  chansung adds.

“spoken like a true veteran,” junho teases.

“takes one to know one.” chansung answers quickly, but then adds, with more honesty than he first intended, “but it gets old though. and really, for what? one day i decided it’s enough, i’m not putting myself through that again.”

“that’s why you hesitate,” junho hums. the touch of his fingers, curling, tugging, brushing against the skin of his nape is comforting.

there’s something about junho that makes chansung feel painfully honest, all his shields down. “i was trying to save us a lot of trouble by not proceeding with this.”

“but here we are,” junho states quietly, his eyes a mix of amazement and fondness that flickers into something deeper,  almost like longing, sadness and relief mixing into one, but also this strange happiness, and now it’s chansung who feels overwhelmed to be at the receiving end of it. “i’m glad you gave us a chance.” junho whispers.

“i know, it’s crazy.” chansung mumbles, holding junho’s waist with his hands, too captivated by the way junho is looking back at him, touching him, breathing the same air as him, and everything is so perfect, too perfect that chansung starts to think that this might be a dream, that he will wake up and junho will be gone.

“you want to hear crazy?” junho sighs, wrapping his arms around chansung’s neck and resting his head on chansung’s shoulder. “i’ll tell you a crazy story. I’ll tell you a story about a boy, who fell in love with another boy, who fell in love with him.  and their love was so deep and so strong that even death couldn’t keep them apart, but fate is cruel, she hid one of them in every lifetime, made him forget, so this boy--, the one who remains, searches for his love one lifetime to the next, chasing his shadows, hoping to catch him, hoping that his love will still fall for him when they meet, if they meet.”

“did they find each other, eventually?” chansung asks, pulling junho just that bit closer, holding him just a little tighter.  junho suddenly feels like this precious treasure in his arms and chansung doesn’t want to let go.

there is a pause before junho answers, “sometimes they do, other times they don’t.”

“when they do, “ chansung chases, feeling an unknown heaviness in his heart, scattered images jabbing his mind, jagged and incomplete, paris, venice, london, junho in a gondola with him, brown haired junho in his worn hoodie, junho grinning grinning _grinning_ , “when they do...” chansung repeats, “does he remember? do they get back together?”

the touch of junho’s fingertips against his cheek is gentle as junho brings chansung’s face to him, “he doesn’t always remember, but, if the timing is right, if both are lucky enough, they’ll find themselves in each other’s arms once more. and everything--, all the chasing, all the hoping, all the heartache, doesn’t even matter anymore because it’s worth it. he’s worth it. ”  junho looks straight into chansung’s eyes  before kissing him, softly this time, slowly, parting and backing away with a simple smile.

“heartache? but they love each other, why was the boy hurting?” chansung frowns.

junho’s smile turns wistful, his eyes dim, and chansung feels lost, “i wish it was that simple, but there are other things in life than just love, silly.  there are responsibilities for once, in one life time his love already had a wife and three kids when the boy met him, in another lifetime his love had a husband; and then there’s fate,” junho chuckles bitterly, “in one lifetime the boy could only meet a tombstone instead of the actual person, and that’s that. ”

“then why?  why go through with it? i mean, if it’s that bad,” it’s not just bad, it’s ridiculous, is what it is, chansung thinks.

“oh it’s not all that bad.” junho’s  gazes at him gently, carding chansung’s hair back with an understanding smile. “sometimes they’re born as childhood friends, and the boy gets to grow up with his love, and that’s one of the best thing ever, growing up together, learning about the world together, being the first of many things for the other. in one lifetime they live long enough to see their great great grandchildren enter kindergarten, spending a good  lifetime together.”

chansung feels lost, he never thought a story could affect him this much, but here he is, his fingers trembling, his breaths are short and heavy. junho must’ve caught on that, because he’s pushing up, on his tiptoes to give chansung a light peck on his cheek.

“there, there. it’s just a story. don’t over think it, you might hurt your head.” he chuckles teasingly.

chansung forces a smile. “that’s quite a plot, you can make a fortune by selling it to the right people, make a movie out of it or something.”

junho bursts out laughing, and it’s the most beautiful sight chansung has ever laid his eyes upon.

 

~

 

when taecyeon said let’s loosen up and get a breather, chansung didn’t think it’d land him in a club at the heart of the city, he didnt think it’d land him the most beautiful, most fascinating person he has ever met. most of all, he didn’t think they would actually end up in a bar brawl, although technically speaking they’re in a club, and there’s no fist flying just yet. the only thing happening, so far, is some intense glaring.

everything happens so fast. chansung  swears  things like this always happen so fast but this time it’s really, really fast.

one moment he was holding junho in his arms and the next thing he knows the two guards are barging in on them, and out of nowhere taecyeon and wooyoung show up on chansung’s flanks. now, despite his stature, chansung knows taecyeon is a man of reason, believing genuinely on mediation to solve things, but bushy eyebrows spits some words that gets taecyeon’s jaws set and then, he pushes taecyeon harshly back and nope, that is not a smart move.  taecyeon recoils and clocks bushy eyebrow square on his jaw and then all hell breaks loose.

chansung is about to go back his friends up when junho tugs his hands tightly, feet already moving to the back door exit. he glances at taecyeon and taec is giving him the ok go sign, even wiggling his eyebrows with such grease at chansung before having to focus back on the fight.  chansung turns his eyes at junho, expecting to see a worried expression, but no, junho is grinning, squeezing his hand tighter and tugging him towards the exit, so chansung lets him.

wooyoung’s battle cry is the last thing chansung hears as they exit out the door,  and then they’re running through the small alley, junho never letting go of his hand, and chansung holds on tighter.

“your friends are crazy!” junho shouts, the wind in his hair, an ear splitting grin on his face.

“they are!” chansung shouts back, laughing.

 when they’re finally slowing to a stop, it is for junho to push him against a wall. chansung’s still catching his breath, but it doesn’t stop junho from pushing up and rounding his arms around chansung’s neck, licking and nipping chansung’s lower lip in the most unfair way before they end up kissing again.

chansung hums in the back of his throat and tries to ease back gently, nudging his nose against junho’s softly, but junho is reeling him in, and he’s so close chansung can feel junho’s warm breath falling across his mouth. “i’ve waited for you for twenty five years,” junho whispers, almost deliriously, his eyes closed.

“you’ve found me now. i’m not going anywhere.” chansung pants, more from the kiss rather than the run.

that gets junho to pull away from the kiss, opening his eyes with an embarrassed flush on his cheeks. he looks absolutely stunning.

“my place is just a few blocks from here,” chansung offers, ignoring the questions emerging in his head and trusting this pull that has tugged his heart from the moment he saw junho.

“i wanna be the big spoon,” junho  says suddenly, his eyes gleaming. right now junho can ask for the moon and chansung will try his best to give it to him. “well, come on hwang don’t just stand there, get us home!”

chansung laughs.

 

people say when you meet the right person, the one, everything in your life will finally make sense. chansung would object, that rather than making sense, it is more of this right kind of feeling, like he is exactly where he belongs. nothing in his lifemakes sense after he meets junho, chansung feels there’s a bigger story they are a part of, that this growing affection he feels seems too strong to be just budding from a few hours he spent with junho, but it’s okay  though, because everything feels right. the firm grip of junho’s fingers on his hand, the wide smile junho’s flashing as they run across the city--, bright lights and cityscapes, everything feels right. and junho--, junho is stunning, _shining,_ brighter than any light and chansung can’t keep his eyes away from him.

maybe he should have. then he would’ve seen the white van coming straight at them with full speed.

_i love thee with the passion put to use_

_In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith._

_i love thee with a love i seemed to lose_

_With my lost saints, --i love thee with the breath,_

_smiles , tears, of all my life!—and, if_

_God choose,_

_I shall but love thee better after death._

 

it gets awfully dark in the end, and chansung can’t move his body, he can’t feel anything but the cold. but he can hear junho, voice cracked as if he was crying, whispering this same thing over and over in his ear, _it’s gonna be okay, i’ll find you, i swear i’ll find you again, it’s gonna be okay, i’ll find you, i swear i’ll find you again_ _, it’s gonna be okay..._

_It’s gonna be okay._

chansung believes him.

 

~

 

chansung thinks this is a pretty bad idea, but his mother has already driven him this far and he doesn’t want to let her down. he’s still wearing his school uniform, his backpack still full of books andhomework he needs to work on later.

“ah really...” he clicks his tongue nervously,  gazing around to find a familiar face but wooyoung was already eliminated early in the stage and taecyeon, who got the pass to seoul with him, is nowhere to be seen.

chansung doesn’t really want to be a star or whatever, he’s just--, tall and people said he has the looks and attitude to survive the industry and it made his mum proud. chansung wants to make his mum proud, is really the reason why he’s here,  in front one of korea’s most renown entertainment agency, standing alone and lost and--, _shit,_ chansung swallows, gripping the clasp of his bag tightly and steeling himself to go forward and enter the glass door.

“ intimidating, isn’t it? “

chansung turns his head to see this boy, about his age, small eyes, curly messy hair, grinning up at him.

“yeah. it is, i’m thinking about the thousands of ways this could all go wrong .” chansung nods, and laughs at himself for being so honest to a stranger, “ i’m sorry, “ he says. “ i’m chansung by the way. hwang chansung.” he offers the boy his hand.

“it’s going to be interesting. you’ll see.” the boy’s smile widens and it reaches his eyes and chansung thinks his heart stops beating for a moment. “let’s be friends.” the boy says again,  giving chansung’s hand a good, firm, shake. “my name is lee junho.”

there is something familiar about that name, and chansung promise he’ll get back to it as soon as he’s over this lee junho’s smile which is just so _so--,_ he can’t even decide the right adjective to describe it, wonderful? beautiful?heartwarming? and chansung thinks maybe it was because he took an english class before his came here because a _how do I love thee?_ _l_ _et me count the ways_ already emerging in his head, and nope, that’s not creepy at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
